My workplace is a carbon copy of The Office . . .

I work at The Oracle and I have got to tell you the amount of stress, craziness and drama is enough to make our office setting be reality television worthy. We have actually considered this thought. I work with an eclectic group of people to say the least. There is the news department, graphics and sales. I work in sales. . . I am the sales manager and I live in the basement which we have renamed The WhOracle. Basically, because we whore ourselves out to advertisers so we can have some ads in our paper.

I sometimes feel that we are judged for our neurotic, crazy, screaming matches and panic stricken attitudes by other departments but that is because we are constantly running around, selling things, signing contracts, dealing with upset customers, yelling at people for fucking up, using extensive profanities, freaking out about quota pressures, all to make sure that we turn a profit for the business. Without the sales department there would be no paper. There would be no money to pay anyone without us. I sometimes feel sales is the outcast because of how we act. We are underappreciated and I accept that bitterly but understand one day there will be karmic retribution on the asses of the pretentious and unappreciative. But that is life.

My staff: The reason I love to come to work but also the reason I have to come to work! These are by far the coolest group of eccentric people I have ever come in contact with. Their personalities are all out of control and it is humorous each day when I think of some of the ridiculous statements that come out of the sales representative's mouths. This is a strong, confident bunch of people who never stop talking. Hence, they are my type of people. We are fans of bitching and venting about everything. (I know graphics judges us too, BUT, really they are another whole beast of crazy which is why I enjoy them equally) I think we stick out this job because we are gaining so much real world experience that few leave college with. Generally, we have as much fun as possible and get compensated (well sort of), for all the bullshit and stress we go through.

We are in no way your typical idea of an office. when the thought comes to mind think the opposite of what's happening, I wouldn't say we are the most professional due to the fact we are constantly talking about sex, pop culture, entertainment, playing pranks,and the amount of innuendos is almost overkill(almost) but we get our shit done and efficiently. This is why we ROCK! This clip from the office is similar to when one of my reps hid the profanity bell from another rep who was super-christian.

I am usually on the verge of a nervous breakdown, ask any of my reps, but I wouldn't have it any other way because than my life would be boring. Everyday, someone screws something up, or is having some issue that at the time seems impossible to fix, their is always someone owning someone (as the graphics department would like to say)but there is always excitement. Unfortunately, as manager, it is my responsibility to be the queen of owning people. I don't want to be what I fear is considered to be a bossy bitch but sometimes good people get lazy and then after countless times of asking someone to do something nicely and then I found out it hasn't been done I must become much more assertive than I like to be. (that's putting it gently, no one really wants to catch my wrath). But, my staff likes to avoid having an unpleasant encounter with me which is why they usually handle their accounts and take their job seriously. (this is why I know they will be FABULOUS someday out in the real world of business)

All they need is a little motivation and while, at one time or another, I have wanted to punch them all in the face and pretend I was deaf because my brain aches from the droning of complaints (I sympathize with moms). . . I LOVE THEM! They are my dysfunctional family. And as I write this, be clear, no one messes with my people, I vent because I love.

Ten Words to describe each person who works in the Office:

Ryan - raging egomaniac, curry-lover, real estate marketing consultant, dedicated, driven
Kelsey - Post Secret fan, thinny, majorly sarcastic, faux cold-blooded, bitchy
Nolan - professional bullshitter, leg-humper, sincere, team-player, talkative, party boy
Mandy - super-chatty, cheerful, optimist, driven, gypsy, unnecessarily stresses, de(mandy), honest
Becky - brilliant, loves body attack classes, amiable, confident, funny, go-getter
Damara - sweetheart, fashionista, loves gossip, appeasing to clients, panics, loves m&m's
Townsend - emo-tastic, hard-working, cheap, earnest, smiley, unselfish, nice, not-phased by drama
Raj - talented, good listener, smart, helpful, amazing Photoshop skills, drama-free
Seth - off-color humor, theatre kid at heart, manly, mysterious, creative, forgetful
David - Goofy, sexy accent, spacey, loves business cards, genuine, loves movies

I am actually worried what will happen when I wake up and won't be heading toward this office that consumes my soul. What happens when I won't hear the bitching, enjoying a rest on the red couch, debating about a two-headed person's capabilities, the continuing love affair the graphics staff has for MACS and other APPLE products (except for Kelsey), escaping for a cigarette and actually seeing sunlight, listening to weird music (and hearing the same song play 20 times a day), eating mediocre sushi, dealing with customers, checking emails, crying to Joe about everything that is going wrong, whispering about the latest office gossip, having peeing races, freaking out about deadlines, worrying who Ryan might have offended today, hearing about body attack or the latest on Perez Hilton, deciphering what swinging is, owning people, and finally hearing after about every third sentence the phrase THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. (This is our ode to Michael Scott).

Then I go to the Zen place and think, 'Oh no wait if I stay in Advertising and Sales I will encounter these types of people and situations every day for the rest of my life.' And then I think secretly to myself, "Looking forward to it" . . . .

Here is my lovely staff in Simpson form! We're such an attractive bunch!