After writing about pop culture and life for the previous two weeks I felt it was appropriate to reflect on what I have learned.
Life is hard, stressful and always happening. Culture is important, powerful and always changing.
Many of things that I have written about are very much considered to be mindless pop culture that we view as news and also how we culturally interact with each other. I think this is a good time to re-evaluate how we live.
I have decided that I have two options, I can remove myself from this crazy world and take myself to the ocean or the mountains in a secluded area where I can appreciate the simpler things and become one with nature. Or I can stay here with the culture and amongst the masses.
The decision: I am going to do both. Eventually, I will end up somewhere here, with a husband (probably a lumberjack)and have lumberjack babes. Yes, this will be later on in my life because I want to be in the advertising world so badly. But, after I have had a career I am proud of, I know I will really be able to appreciate and enjoy this uncomplicated life.
BUT, first I have a feeling I will be living more of a life like this:
I think my theme song will be the song from the Devil Wears Prada. It's very uplifting and inspiring.
If anyone wants to join me when I go to the water or the mountains, let me know!
Signing off on blogging for a while, it has been quite an experience! This project has been my blood, sweat and tears for the last two weeks. I hope you have all enjoyed my posts!
Do you know what time it is? This is one of Flavor Flav’s signature lines along with other classics like, Yeaaaaaaa Boyeee and WOW (dragged out and exaggerated.) Flav with his ridiculous clocks, capes, crowns, sunglasses and dreads appears to think he is some sort of style icon. When really he looks like a cockroach in human form. Tell me you think that man is attractive? Come on. . .
Flav is famous for wearing ridiculously big clocks around his neck and being a rap pioneer in the late 80s and early 90s in Public Enemy. How does he get the masses to tune in to VH1? His show was the highest rating VH1 has ever had. He gets trashy girls to scream FLAVOR FLAV. This man should be kissing VH1’s ass and them vice versa. In the midst of all the reality television craze he has participated in three hit shows for VH1. He was on Surreal Life where he got hot with Brigitte Nielson and then that spawned the disgustingly, weird Strange Love. Then when Brigitte smartened up deciding this will never work and she was over her 15 minutes of fame again in the spotlight she left poor Flav alone and rejected. Thus, the birth of Flavor of Love. Now, with two seasons under his belt and still no love, he is about to dive into his third season.
I have to admit I watch the show because the girls are out-of-control ridiculous. They make the show. The premise is nuts. Girls line up to prove they love Flav and would be the best match for him. They are hilarious from how they talk, how they dress, how they are immediately in love and infatuated with Flav. Does he drug these women or does he wear a special pheromone that attracts skanks to him? They are literally moths to a flame when he enters the room. Is this really how one finds love? I have watched the show to tune into the bizarre antics. I love the fake orgasms and all the sex that goes on behind not so closed doors. The girls basically line up in lingerie begging for the chance. Personally, I would rather go through Chinese water torture than sleep with Flav. But these girls are all about it. These girls are all different types of trash ranging from white trash to ghetto fabulous to video ho.
Season 1 Girls: Season 2 Girls:
I was trying to think of why any sane woman would go on the show. And then I remembered most women are not sane and there are a whole slew of women who are by no means considered classy or civilized really. There really is a plethora of reasons to show up and audition.
Trashy, skank bitches go on the show to:
1. to perform oral on national television 2. to get into fights 3. to be reduced to a sex object for Flav to have his way with 4. to show off trashy princess tattoo on your chest 5. to dress like complete hoe-skis 6. to get a humiliating nickname based off your physical looks/personality 7. to promote their new album 8. to be a gold-digger 9. to spit on New York 10. to get wasted 11. to get your own show 12. to reveal your sob story and how oppressed you are 13. to poop on the floor 14. to be reality show hos and then go on Charm School with Mo’nique 15. to stay off welfare 16. to pose in men’s magazines 17. to booty dance 18. to get a free meal 19. to make friends 20. to get their 15 minutes of fame
This clip is possibly the major reason this show was such a hit. All stemming from a very interesting altercation between Pumkin and New York.
These shows have given way to so many other spin off shows. First, there was I Love New York. The main bitch in the house, who thinks she is god’s gift, has an insane mother and is absolutely ignorant. I love how she misuses words. Clearly, she was there for entertainment value and Flav is still sane enough to realize there was no way in hell he could end up with this bitch. New York got her own show, to find love for herself. This is an equally ridiculous show where New York and her scary drag queen mom try to find the right man for her. Then, there was Charm School where everyone took notice at the trashy behavior of all these adult women and went through etiquette school. Now, VH1 has Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. I guess VH1 will continue to ride this wave out as long as it keeps making the big dollars. There mentality has to be ‘if it aint broke, don’t fix it.’
I fear that this man may never find love on the pure fact that he is one of the most unattractive men who is a complete womanizer. How can you fall in love on television? It is too fake and every season a girl ends up ‘winning’ and never stays with him! Don’t you find that a little odd? Perhaps he should try a new avenue for scoring women. Maybe, he can’t without the camera. Oh well, I guiltly will watch the show and enjoy the craziness of the women, Flav and New York.
I love it. Absolutely, I will tune in and will continue to tune in until Flav and New York find love. If that ever happens . . .
I feel like there are more specific examples to dissect and discuss but please feel free to share your favorite Flav moments. Basically, I think Flav’s essence relies on watching the bowels of society interact. It’s like watching something happen at the zoo. You’re interested enough to watch but are glad your safely behind the glass or cage.
This show has, whether you like it or not, had serious impact in recent pop culture and will continue to as long as he is on the air.
I work at The Oracle and I have got to tell you the amount of stress, craziness and drama is enough to make our office setting be reality television worthy. We have actually considered this thought. I work with an eclectic group of people to say the least. There is the news department, graphics and sales. I work in sales. . . I am the sales manager and I live in the basement which we have renamed The WhOracle. Basically, because we whore ourselves out to advertisers so we can have some ads in our paper.
I sometimes feel that we are judged for our neurotic, crazy, screaming matches and panic stricken attitudes by other departments but that is because we are constantly running around, selling things, signing contracts, dealing with upset customers, yelling at people for fucking up, using extensive profanities, freaking out about quota pressures, all to make sure that we turn a profit for the business. Without the sales department there would be no paper. There would be no money to pay anyone without us. I sometimes feel sales is the outcast because of how we act. We are underappreciated and I accept that bitterly but understand one day there will be karmic retribution on the asses of the pretentious and unappreciative. But that is life.
My staff: The reason I love to come to work but also the reason I have to come to work! These are by far the coolest group of eccentric people I have ever come in contact with. Their personalities are all out of control and it is humorous each day when I think of some of the ridiculous statements that come out of the sales representative's mouths. This is a strong, confident bunch of people who never stop talking. Hence, they are my type of people. We are fans of bitching and venting about everything. (I know graphics judges us too, BUT, really they are another whole beast of crazy which is why I enjoy them equally) I think we stick out this job because we are gaining so much real world experience that few leave college with. Generally, we have as much fun as possible and get compensated (well sort of), for all the bullshit and stress we go through.
We are in no way your typical idea of an office. when the thought comes to mind think the opposite of what's happening, I wouldn't say we are the most professional due to the fact we are constantly talking about sex, pop culture, entertainment, playing pranks,and the amount of innuendos is almost overkill(almost) but we get our shit done and efficiently. This is why we ROCK! This clip from the office is similar to when one of my reps hid the profanity bell from another rep who was super-christian.
I am usually on the verge of a nervous breakdown, ask any of my reps, but I wouldn't have it any other way because than my life would be boring. Everyday, someone screws something up, or is having some issue that at the time seems impossible to fix, their is always someone owning someone (as the graphics department would like to say)but there is always excitement. Unfortunately, as manager, it is my responsibility to be the queen of owning people. I don't want to be what I fear is considered to be a bossy bitch but sometimes good people get lazy and then after countless times of asking someone to do something nicely and then I found out it hasn't been done I must become much more assertive than I like to be. (that's putting it gently, no one really wants to catch my wrath). But, my staff likes to avoid having an unpleasant encounter with me which is why they usually handle their accounts and take their job seriously. (this is why I know they will be FABULOUS someday out in the real world of business)
All they need is a little motivation and while, at one time or another, I have wanted to punch them all in the face and pretend I was deaf because my brain aches from the droning of complaints (I sympathize with moms). . . I LOVE THEM! They are my dysfunctional family. And as I write this, be clear, no one messes with my people, I vent because I love.
Ten Words to describe each person who works in the Office:
Ryan - raging egomaniac, curry-lover, real estate marketing consultant, dedicated, driven Kelsey - Post Secret fan, thinny, majorly sarcastic, faux cold-blooded, bitchy Nolan - professional bullshitter, leg-humper, sincere, team-player, talkative, party boy Mandy - super-chatty, cheerful, optimist, driven, gypsy, unnecessarily stresses, de(mandy), honest Becky - brilliant, loves body attack classes, amiable, confident, funny, go-getter Damara - sweetheart, fashionista, loves gossip, appeasing to clients, panics, loves m&m's Townsend - emo-tastic, hard-working, cheap, earnest, smiley, unselfish, nice, not-phased by drama Raj - talented, good listener, smart, helpful, amazing Photoshop skills, drama-free Seth - off-color humor, theatre kid at heart, manly, mysterious, creative, forgetful David - Goofy, sexy accent, spacey, loves business cards, genuine, loves movies
I am actually worried what will happen when I wake up and won't be heading toward this office that consumes my soul. What happens when I won't hear the bitching, enjoying a rest on the red couch, debating about a two-headed person's capabilities, the continuing love affair the graphics staff has for MACS and other APPLE products (except for Kelsey), escaping for a cigarette and actually seeing sunlight, listening to weird music (and hearing the same song play 20 times a day), eating mediocre sushi, dealing with customers, checking emails, crying to Joe about everything that is going wrong, whispering about the latest office gossip, having peeing races, freaking out about deadlines, worrying who Ryan might have offended today, hearing about body attack or the latest on Perez Hilton, deciphering what swinging is, owning people, and finally hearing after about every third sentence the phrase THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. (This is our ode to Michael Scott).
Then I go to the Zen place and think, 'Oh no wait if I stay in Advertising and Sales I will encounter these types of people and situations every day for the rest of my life.' And then I think secretly to myself, "Looking forward to it" . . . .
Here is my lovely staff in Simpson form! We're such an attractive bunch!
Good morning everyone and by morning I mean I just finished my blog two hours ago, had one hour of sleep and now I look like a crack addict needing a fix. My eyes are blooshot and puffy, I'm shaky and I want nothing more than to sleep. Sadly, I am already sitting in my office, contemplating how I am going to fit in all the homework and menial tasks that I must do for my Stats test which is tomorrow. The stats class is really the bane of my existence and I cry sometimes thinking if I don't get an A in this math class I will no longer be allowed to attend college. I will not get the degree I have worked so hard to obtain because the university says my math skills aren't competent enough to give me an advertising degree. Sorry, I needed to vent that out.
Today's entry is simply about secrets, things you love, things you hate, your guilty pleasures. This entry was inspired by the Post Secret phenomenom and how successful this concept has become. The creator's daughter committed suicide and now he has started a type of anonymous therapy and his own suicide helpline. However, I like the funny ones, sometimes I go to his site and when I read about the issues people are having, I cry. I am thankful I don't have some of the internal struggles some people have. My heart really goes out to people. Check out the site: postsecret.com
Here are some samples:
I don't have time to list the many, many things I love, hate, and enjoy with guilt but here are some of the top items:
What do I love: the smell of the earth after a fresh rain, my friends, my hair, marilyn monroe, snow falling, my job, courtney love, rollercoasters, lightning storms, rottweilers, mullets, clouds that form into shapes of things, 500 lb. black women who have more confidence in their little toe than the majority of thinner girls and they rock sweet heels with pump fat, coffee, cigarettes, holding hands, plaid/flannel shirts,tattoos, alcohol, big trees with amazing shade, Borat, good hugs where people don't pat you on the back (a solid embrace), sunsets, manly men, spinning, mall chinese (perry's), my chest, scenic drives, drive in movies, swimming in lakes, big lap dogs, people watching, manicures, Forever 21, convertibles, family, smiles, soulful eyes, hippies, ice cream, McAlisters, Sex Talk with Sue Johannsen, very sexy perfume the girls and the mens version, classic rock and roll, tall men, Sex and the City, Dave Chappelle,
What do I hate: corn, overly PDA-couples that are too happy, Top Model Marathons on Vh1, annoying laughs, math, pretentious people, Boston Market, small dogs, haters, cake, fake people, acryilics, neediness, not being able to solve Seth's riddles that he pulls out of his ass, bad sex, cooking/baking, customer service over the phone, people who are into themselves to an extreme degree, heartless people, clumpy mascara,
What are my guilty pleasures: Cosmopolitan, spooning, rap music, eating peanut butter and fluff with a spoon (double-dipping of course), reality television (everything on Vh1, Bravo and MTV, I watch), smelling my feet, spooning, rainy days, chick flicks, staying in pajamas, hot cocoa
I want you to tell me your dirty little secrets. Your loves, your hates, guilty pleasures. You can leave the entries all anonymous or be brave and leave your name. Please try to shock me. I need a little something of interest to make me feel like this blog is having some impact and it is actually worth all the time that I have slaved over it.
Burger King is attempting to comply with some of the U.S. health standards to prevent obesity in children. They are going to come out with a new line of 'fries' that are called apple fries and their box will say Frypods. They are actually just apple slices. This is Burger King’s way of helping curb the epidemic in childhood obesity. I think Apple Fries and BK's new positioning might be a failure in the making. From Burger King’s website, the serving of Apple Fries is 2.4 ounces which will have 35 calories. A small serving of Burger King french fries has 230 calories and 13 grams of fat. Burger King has put into place nutritional guidelines to follow when targeting children under 12 in advertising, including limiting ads to Kids Meals that contain no more than 560 calories, less than 30 percent of calories from fat and no more than 10 percent of calories from added sugars.
We all know Burger King isn't healthy. We shouldn't consume it often, but as a treat, I don't see the harm. I think we should teach children that same line of thinking. I think it is going to be difficult to reposition a burger fast food chain as healthy for the kids. I just don't think kids of this generation are going to be jumping up and down for it.
I think the idea is a great marketing strategy on advertising/BK's part and will appeal to the parents. Parents will be early adapters because childhood obesity is a major concern of theirs. However, the food needs to be good. Mom and Dad can buy it all they want but if the kids don't want it, forget about it. They will stop thinking of BK meals as a treat and will want to go elsewhere.
This plan is set to be released as early as January 2008 and they have to remember that there are a whole group of children who have already had a BK meal and a Happy Meal. These kids are still impressionable, but don’t be fooled. The same company that is trying to change and be healthier is also the company that puts chemicals on the food you and your children are eating so the smell attracts you to their fries and burgers. They want you to salivate when you smell the fries. I doubt the kids will drool on command for apple slices that they know mom can prepare at home.
As a kid, I always had McDonalds as a treat once a month (we didn’t have Burger Kings close to where I lived in Maine) and I wouldn’t want after a few years (of conditioning me to expect chicken tenders and fries) to be thrown a bag of apple slices. That’s what my mom gives me at home, this isn’t a treat.
I like the concept of putting the lemon juice on the apples so the apples don’t brown as fast. At least they will look appealing. I just hope they start pushing their new meals to the parents and the kids. I fear that the parents will be an easy sell and the kids may be a hard sell. The youngest generation (3 year olds) probably would take a meal gladly, see the nicely packaged bag, with the toy and eat the meal without hesitation. I am worried about the 7-11 year olds who know it’s not the same meal they grew up with.
I will be interested to see how their plan turns out. I love that BK has no plan for fighting adult obesity or diabetes. Have they given up on us or would they rather us just eat their heart clogging food. Is it BK's evil scheme to let kids eat healthy but then say whatever when they hit adolescence and adulthood and want that age demographic to switch back over to 50 gram of fat burgers and 800 calorie fries so they can turn a profit. I didn't see any care for adults on their site or announcements. That's interesting.
They have made a lot of public statements about their advertising initiative. It’s all over the news, in health and parent magazines, on their site and in advertising news. I just hope they don’t use this guy to entice the kids . . .
He scares me a little. I can only remember Ronald. Does BK have a kid mascot? Does that mean because I can only remember him I may have been brainwashed by the Golden Arches.
Unrelated: I don’t like Wal-Mart’s new slogan Save Money. Live Better. I am not a copy writer and I could have done that in my sleep. I am disappointed that this was the catchiest thing they could up with. Stick with the smiley.
It’s time for a new PET! I want to domesticate a new animal. This is a challenge for you to help me think of a new animal we could domesticate, if one even exists. I don’t want to inhibit the animal from the natural environment or handicap their natural instincts in any way. So, what animals’ do we have left that would be good pets?
I am sick of cats and dogs being the only domesticated pets. When I think of a good pet, I think of, an animal that loves you unconditionally. Cats and dogs already do that when you see small dogs in coats and cats being walked on leashes. See this cat probably forgot how much he hated his owner for doing this to him 5 minutes later. Good pets are the perfect combination of smart and dumb!
When you come into your house, it could be 20 minutes since you last saw your pet or 12 hours. Either way, the reaction of your pet is to immediately greet you and wants your attention. A pet that will come lay near you or on you, they can sense if you are having a bad day or if you are sad. A pet that loves nothing more than when you scratch their ears, feed them and let them live with you. And they are satisfied as long as their three needs are met.
I am sick of people saying that their bunnies, iguanas, fish, gerbils, frogs, mice/rats, hamsters, snakes, horses, ponies, tarantulas and birds are good pets. I see no redeemable value in them. Those ‘pets’ are more for show or for the cool factor. I think a good pet is fluffy, warm, non-threatening and loves their owners no matter what. I want an animal that actually cares that we pick up their poop and they depend on us for their meal. Also, the size issue is important to assess. The animal must be small enough to pick up or to live comfortably in a normal-sized apartment or house.
However, I feel limited that there are not many other options other than cats or dogs. I don’t want any livestock animals or exotic animals. This new pet shouldn’t have to be kept in a cage. There is no way I would keep a lion or a bear. Even, if you got the animals as cubs, I wouldn’t want them to grow so big that if I walked in and I forgot to feed them they would eat me upon entering the apartment.
My friends fueled this discussion over drinks and the couple of suggestions they had were weak. The best idea that my friends have had so far are sea otters or beavers. They can live without water, are soft, cute, small and can’t eat you. We could easily feed them the appropriate diet and let them play in water. We could probably have a couple of them, so they would have friends. I think penguins might work but I don’t think in Florida. The challenge would be to train them. Yet, that is the point of this mission.
We did do a lot of thinking if we could do cross breeds and dwarf animals. For example, mini-horses. We were thinking how cute would a baby panda be, but, it could never grow because they are fierce animals. We were thinking along the same lines for a baby kangaroo, giraffe and many others in the bear and large cat family. But, that is cheating.
Suggestions so far that I have vetoed: ferrets, sloth’s, anything in the monkey family (from spider monkeys to orangutans), raccoons, fox’s, chipmunks, squirrels, dolphins (where would he live, in the bathtub?), ligers, porcupines, tiger, lion, jaguar, lynx, panther, dinosaur, giraffe, leopard, elephant, zebra (like a horse), goats, alligators, lambs (they turn into sheep and not so cute), pigs (possibly but not fuzzy enough), anything in the bear family (black, brown, panda, koala, polar is a NO!), deer, antelope, raptors, gazelles, dingo, wombat . . .
I think I am forgetting more but see if you can inspire an original thought to solve this issue that has been consuming my mind! I will forever think you are a genius!
I had to post this video called the Landlord. Perhaps, you've seen it? It is quite possibly one of my favorite youtube clips and it has become a joke around my office. I never got to show it in our Culture of Communications class. I would say I love this short video as much as I love Borat. (That’s a lot of love!)
People at work tend to think that I am a fan of alcohol (but really, I feel like a need a drink at the end of some miserable days, and my habit could be worse it could be heroine) and that I am bit money-hungry. O and for anyone who doesn't know about heroine chic eyes please let me know and I will explain. I don't want to get off topic but any girl must know about the glamour of heroine chic. Anyways. . .
Both of these assumptions have truth, so the quote from this clip that I like to joke with everyone or really they like to joke with me is about the phrase screamed by Pearl. Pearl yells, “I WANT MY MONEY!” I think everyone in the office thinks this is how I was as a child. And now, as sales manager, they see me running around yelling about goals and quotas. I’m afraid if I ask my mom she will agree I was this defiant child.
I bet if I had a girl, she would be like Pearl. Stubborn, loud, cute and definitely learning how to hit the bottle early. I feel like I can connect with her in this video and I understand the frustration and the angst she feels. She's screaming because she wants to be heard not because she's angry or crazy. (much like me)
I hope you enjoy a little mindless humor.
More about my office and staff soon! But first, a little treat from Will Ferrell. . .
Maybe I will name my first child Pearl. . .
I don't think the video is going to show up. I think it's been copyrighted :( Click this link: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74
I can no longer go to bars. Yet, I love them for their atmosphere, alcohol content and the social aspect. Unfortunately, my current ventures have begun to disgust me. I had this very obvious epiphany about girls and guys. We’re all pretending!
What I mean by that is simply, we get all dressed up, go out in our circles of friends and perform for the opposite sex. Is this the only way to meet someone of the opposite sex?! I am so over it. I have started to people watch. The mating ritual usually goes something like this:
- Guy buys girl drinks/buys drinks for a group of girls.
* His reasoning: drunk girls put out and aren’t that smart so I don’t have to try that hard to make intellectual conversation (probably because he is lacking the confidence, skill, intellect or he is just lazy).
- Girl 99% of the time accept drinks (even if you can tell she is not interested, who is going to pass up free drinks at the bar).
* Guy approaches: compliments her eyes, hair, outfit, etc. She either accepts compliment and chit-chats or loses interest immediately.
- If Girl swoons -
**Girl and guy flirts, usually body language changes, huge cheesy smiles, hair flipping, unnecessary touching, mindless chatter, heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages continues up to the point where the guy has pinpointed his chosen project for the evening and the girl will give her undivided attention because miraculously you have caught her eye (or she’s an attention whore, she craves male attention).
- Girl goes to bathroom to gossip with friends, Questions like: Is he cute? Do I look too drunk? How’s my hair?
- Sometimes girl throws up because she is beyond gone . . .
* Meanwhile, guy is high-fiving other male friends, thinking he is gonna get laid and claiming dibs on cute drunk chick he has seduced into liking him for the evening!
- She returns and he puts his hand on her knee or arm around her. Sometimes, he is bold enough to go for the kiss (if they are drunk enough!)
*He asks her if she wants to get out of here as last call approaches 2 Options From This Point: 1. Girl leaves and has some very casual sex with a stranger, probably lacking a condom, thus the rampant spread of stds and then usually wakes up with a killer hangover (if she hasn’t thrown up again) naked with her arm around naked male thinking to herself, “What happened last night?”, peers at the guy’s face without trying to wake him, going shit, “Where’s my purse”, “how did I get here?” Eww as best put you either wake up and the man that has his arm around you would rather chew off than wake him or you think he’s kind of cute. Either way girl scrambles to leave or if interested wakes him up. This is semi-awkward and embarrassing; girl leaves and writes number on napkin.
*On the male side he wakes thinking, “YES, I scored!”, “Wait, what’s her name again Britney, heather, Jenna. Hmmmm I forget” If he drove her which is probable because he got her to drunk to drive, he does the obligatory drive home or thanks her for a lovely evening or he is distant because he is disgusted with what he woke up to as well (works both ways) and wants chick to abort his bed ASAP.
*If he’s interested: he may ask for her number, if he’s nice he’ll get you water or offer you a shower. If he likes you he’ll definitely get the number but may ponder whether to call again or you will date casually and some very small percentage of one-nighters will make it through and form a relationship out of it (but I feel this is not the most common outcome.)
2. Girl doesn’t leave with him because she doesn’t want to be considered easy, these are the girls that want respect, so give the number and then get pissed if they don’t call if they were really interested or just were feeling rejected. Or, guy does call and the guy and girl end up doing a few more bar dates or real dates and then sleeping together. Inevitably, it all comes back to sex. It’s just the instinct in us.
I understand this is the cycle for our species to procreate but honestly it is so primitive. We are so fake and I am guilty as well for acting but I am dry-heaving a little bit at what we have been reduced to. I need to figure a way to break this cycle and meet a stimulating guy that will talk about more than sports, beer and Ludacris. I think there should be a mandated law from the President to outlaw for girls: makeup, straighteners, perfume, hair coloring, expensive designer clothes. For guys, no steroids, overpriced cologne, and polo shirts w/ khakis (male equivalent to dressing up) Then, when we are stripped of our conformist image to ‘look our best’ and we all show up in sweat pants, baggy tees and t-shirts there will be nothing left to hide behind. We will have to be ourselves. . . totally exposed . . . It’s a scary thought I know but how liberating to actually be able to see the real people and faces and pick up on genuine attraction through conversation or even still looks but not enhanced looks.
Now the debate goes from here, I believe there should still be alcohol in this equation (probably because I am a bit of a lush alcoholic, but this is beside the point). I was talking to a friend at work, griping about this issue and I posed the question where can I meet a good guy. And by good guy I am not even nitpicking on his looks, income, background, ethnicity, friends. . . I don’t care about any of that.
I will give you an example of a real life story: Judge how mentally stimulating this sounds. . . .
Out with my girls and some asshole does this to put me in a bad mood. See, I want to meet someone who is not going to buy me free shots with titles like wet p*ssy and cum shot. And then basically come over and say, “Hi. Nice shoes! Wanna Fuck?” UM no, you repulse me, I am holding back vomit in my throat and I can’t decide if I want to slap you in the face, throw a drink at you or just tell you to fuck off. Maybe all three but what’s worse is the fact that this guy is not kidding, not so trashed he doesn’t realize what he is saying and the reason he is probably using this line on me is because it has worked for him somewhere before.
Or do all guys try to do this? . . .
I can no longer handle this anymore, but then, does this doom me for the single life because I won’t pretend to be something I am not to get some guy interested in me. Trust me, I like sex. A LOT! I am unwilling to give up on looking for guys but I must somehow find a new location with more inspiring candidates. So, now I am forced to choose to conform or to not. Well, the friend and I brainstormed places like the grocery stores, concerts, bookstores, coffeeshops, school and then I interjected to remind him that I like alcohol and night atmospheres. Also, I contemplated workplaces (but now we have all these anti-fraternizing policies so there are no lawsuits on the company) which is upsetting because I read you spend a 1/3 of your life at work (at least)! Here is what we came up with as a plausible solution: JAZZ BARS (maybe even martini bars but there may be a lot of pretentious yuppies there). Smart, eccentric people into good music as opposed to drunken girls covered in vomit and dancing on bars where the guys are equally hammered smashing beer cans with their heads. SO, jazz bar, there are drinks, it is at night. Problem solved? I don’t know. I will have to test this out one night this week. Maybe, I will just open my own bar, disbarring any of this behavior or limiting this behavior to one night a week to cut down on the demise of society causing pregnancy and stds.
The lesson: Why we still pretend is because the alternatives out there are equally bad if not worse. I will try the jazz bar thing and only other places that you bloggers have suggestions to but I think we are doomed to HAVE to pretend, bullshit, mate and PRAY: that one day, when you wake up and actually have a real conversation you are pleasantly surprised that the other person you are talking to is interesting. Hallelujah, Thank God! (He gets so much credit anyway, I figure I will give credit to him for creating us, so we can pro-create and have this damn mating ritual, which he probably created to torture us as well) I see no way around this.
Well, I can dream can’t I . . . .
Oh and when you finish this, don’t act like you haven’t all been here, or judge this, I see this happen with everyone. . And, I hope I didn’t offend anyone who likes to meet the opposite sex like this. To these people, I say, Let them eat cake . . . or something . . .
Even Trojan is understanding the pain women go through. I guarantee a woman came up with campaign. I doubt a man would have said he was a pig. I am not sure if I should love it or hate it but at least they are advocating protection!
This is going to be a relatively short entry because I need some serious sleep and am still neck high in Statistics and Creative Strategy Homework. I hate that there are not enough hours in the day for my eyes to close and go to the happy place where I can dream in peace. I found out I cannot dream in class because apparently napping in college is unacceptable. Go Figure.
And my parents wonder why I am addicted to caffeine. . . if I could inject caffeine into my veins I would. . .
These two shows (Entourage and Flight of the Conchords) are relevant to pop culture because they are all about the struggle in show business. Plus, I dream of being on these two shows often. I usually insert myself into the script. Think of this entry more as a positive plug for two funny shows. This is my TV show blog. I am obsessed with the boys from Entourage. I think these boys are the epitome of living the good life. These four average looking guys who are all so different, yet, they share the common bond of being best friends from childhood. I think that Vince, the hot male actor, (Adrian Grenier) who is their friend/brother is the glue that holds the group together. He allows the rest of his posse to reap all the benefits of his success.
If I was famous I would definitely have an entourage where all my friends could enjoy the perks of fame. I already have a personal assistant recruited (thanks, Kelsey) and I would let the rest of my friends Party like Rock Stars. I love that Vince (Grenier) chooses to still hang with his friends that he grew up with. He realizes his fame but very rarely displays a superior attitude. I respect that he is grounded (even though he is fictional). It makes the show’s scenario appear seemingly real. I think this could happen and I love how silly they are together. Ari is my favorite though. He is an entertainment agent that takes care of Vince and he is out of control FABULOUS! What an amazing character! I think anyone could appreciate the ridiculousness of their antics.
Flight of the Conchords is equally hilarious. Two New Zealanders named Bret and Jermaine are trying to make it as a folk-singing group in NYC. The problem is that no one ever comes to see their gigs. They have one fan (she is really a stalker) and a band manager who never really does anything. His name is Murray and wants to be their friend. They are constantly shot down but are oblivious to all of their failures. The two are actually comedians and tour. This show is just an exaggerated off-shoot of their act. This show is comic genius. I don’t know how they can get through a shot without bursting into laughter.
I have to leave you with one of my favorite clips. They often segue way into song. This song is in French. Sort of. It makes me feel better about my French skills and makes me laugh. I feel like I am in Beginning French again. I hope you can appreciate this.
Or maybe this one is better . . . you be the judge. I love the sea weed line...
Without a doubt, these shows have replaced my fix for Sex and the City. (but I will always have a huge place in my heart for those ladies)
I highly recommend tuning into HBO on Sunday nights to enjoy the escapades of these very different groupings of guys. See HBO.com too to learn more. . .
Tomorrow’s entry will be about the sexes constantly pretending to be something there not. I’m sure I will have a nice vent about this little topic. I will be mentioning the need for more jazz bars. . .
Today, I was called crazy and weird. I asked, “What do you mean?” He took a significant pause and stated, “You’re just NOT normal.” The conversation ended but I still kept pondering: What is normal?
I know many a people have considered the word but I was wondering should I be offended, the person didn’t elaborate on the words when they chose to evaluate my personality. Was he unable to put me in a box, put me in a stereotypical group so therefore there must be something wrong with my being.
Definition for normal (nor – mal):
1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. 2. Serving to establish a standard.
I guess my definition would look like this:
Taryn (Tear – in): bitchy, hardworking, overbearing, outgoing, dominating, friendly, psycho, neurotic, silly, angelic (once but he was very old) loud, feminist, talkative, deranged, histrionic, animated, drama queen, cynical, sarcastic . . . and I am sure there were more that I can not remember or care not to.
But adding these three words to my definition or character description has left me feeling sort of inclusive about how other people view me. To me, crazy and weird have negative connotations so I am kind of hoping these words were somehow supposed to be a compliment but googling these definitions I am now unsure. Perhaps, the person who called me these things didn’t fully understand the definitions of these words. This is a person that cares about me but used these words to describe me. Look up crazy and weird in a dictionary, I’m not really sure you’d want someone who embodies these qualities into your house for a cup of tea.
I have to admit, I am a human Nancy Drew. What I mean by that is, I am constantly trying to figure people out. I am not searching for missing clocks or can-openers or whatever the shit was she searched for that filled those pages that made those books so popular. I must know questions like this: Are they gay, why do they hate milk, how come they are trying so hard to please people, why are they so insecure, why do they always wear longsleeve shirts in Florida, why is a grown man home at all hours of the day, why does he scratch his butt so much, who waters plants at 3 am, . . . etc. etc. I want to get to the bottom of the people, what makes them tick, why do people do the things that we do? Some issues are small, some consume the person. I like to be able to figure out a person and then be able to draw a sound conclusion and I am at peace. I shouldn’t care and it’s not my business but I guess we can add to my list of descriptors is that I am nosy or maybe better yet, inquisitive. The conclusion that I come to might be completely off base but at least my mind rests and I feel like I have solved something.
I think in another life I would have made a great explorer. I should have been an anthropologist but I was getting sick of sitting through classes where all we did was watch monkeys. It is not that riveting to watch monkeys eat and throw their own shit at each other. Well, at least not to me. I highly doubt we evolved from monkeys and my logic for that, is that, we are here and so are they, so riddle me that. Maybe, the GEICO caveman has the answer. He’s always claiming to be so smart and I have never heard him say a damn thing that impresses me. I think he should stop whining about being classified as stupid and say something amazing and prove the masses wrong.
I started thinking about society and celebrities and other people in the public eye and they are regularly called crazy, weird and abnormal. So should I take these words as a compliment or do these words not have the same meaning to a non-celebrity. I think celebs just create interesting events that most people can’t interpret because it is so different to them. I would love to be able to hang with some of these supposedly crazy celebrities. Why is biting the head off a bat, not okay? Or if people want to flash their vaginas to the masses, so what! Or why can’t we all jump on couches (I did as a kid!) These celebrities seem interesting to me! Or is it weird or not normal that I would want to hang with them?
I will not let these words define me. I think all people are indefinable. How would you feel to be categorized and told by someone they can sum you up in a few words? Isn’t there so much more to people? I like to think so. I am proud to say I am not NORMAL. I am WEIRD! Want to mess with someone’s head: ask them to describe you and when they use vague, ambiguous words, ask them what they mean by that. I bet they have no idea.
People always say “that’s normal” but we should just remove that word from our vocabulary because I think there are very few things or people that can be considered normal. We are all abnormal freaks in one way or another. So allow me to end this blog (which was very much inspired by wine) by saying: Welcome to the Freak Show!
This entry is inspired from a typical conversation I was having with my roommates but ties in with the class I am blogging for. The reason I am recounting this story is because it proves the point, while we are all bright, intelligent girls, we suffer from dumbass syndrome. Or perhaps common sense? You can be the judge. I will re-enact the scenario to the best of my ability and in conversation form:
4 Female College Students Sitting Around Shooting the Shit, Griping about their Days
ME (Stressed Advertising major, relaxing with a drink and cigarette): How was your day today? Roommate 1 (History major, finished her European sequence, now in upper-level grad history classes, she enters, giddy with excitement): FABULOUS ME: Why was the day so great? Roommate 1: I am in love with my professor! He is BRILLIANT and we had a big lecture today about slavery. Roommate 2 (Art History major, enters) Roommate 1: Well, I left class to use the restroom and my professor told the class he though I was a Marxist. Then, I walked and talked with him on my way to Starbucks and he poked fun at my views. Roommate 2: What’s Marxism? ME (shocked and bewildered): You don’t know what Marxism is? Roommate 1 (baffled and frightened): You know, Karl Marx?! Roommate 2: Who is he? Roommate 1: Karl Marx, he’s a communist! He was the father of communism. . . Roommate 2: Never heard of him, what’s communism? ME: How did you pass high school history? Roommate 2: He’s old right? Roommate 1: Yes he’s been dead for quite some time. Economics is a driving force in class social structure, wrote the Communist Manifesto . . . Roommate 2 (losing interest in discussion): Was he popular? ME and Roommate 1 (exchanging bewildered glances) Roommate 2: Wait, is Marx spelled M-A-R-X Roommate 1: Yes Roommate 2: Is Karl spelled with a K? ME: YES! Roommate 2: Oh, I think we were actually talking about him in class today. Anyways . . . ME and Roommate 1 (trying to salvage the awkward silence because we know our friend is not dumb) Roommate 1 (offers): Well, I was in class and I volunteered the definition of Socialism and my professor looked at me like I was retarded and stammered, “Not Exactly . . .” I’m a history major. It was really embarrassing. ME: Well, I thought there were 500 million people in the United States and not so much, there are apparently 300 million people, people laughed, I brushed it off, no big deal. Roommate 3 (Psychology major, enters): What are you guys talking about? ME: About how dumb we can be? Roommate 3: Oh cool. ME: We have all had our moments. Remember our World Perspectives class. . . Roommate 3: O god, it was a rough sketch, it was an accident! Roommate 2: What happened? ME: Well, we were sitting in World Perspectives and she was trying to be cutesy and was drawing the globe in place of the word world and the word perspectives at the top of her paper to take notes. She was sketching the continents and I am watching her instead of listening to the professor and I look over and see if her sketch is done. I whisper what’s that. She said, “What’s what?” What is that hanging off North America on the California side?” Her, “What?” Me, “That.” And I point. “That’s South America!” What!!! Roommates 1 and 2 (laughing) Roommate 3 (not so much) It was a common mistake.
SO the conversation turns back into mindless chatter and we stay away from our common sense shortcomings BUT you can see where the problem is. . . I want to know how we all made it this far along in the game without knowing obvious pieces of information. I don’t know where the blame should lie, but it should be reaffirmed that we are not dumb girls. On paper we look great, Honor Roll, Deans List, good SAT scores . . . yet one of us can’t locate South America on globe, another doesn’t know a working definition for socialism, the next has no clue who Marx is and I have no idea how many people are in the United States (but knew there were over 6 billion people on the planet). What’s wrong with this picture?
PS: In case you didn't know some of these things, allow me to educate you, I have provided pictures and links to clarify
This is Karl Marx. . . This is the map of the world (note where South America is located)
http://www.slp.org/what_is.htm (Answer to Socialism) http://www.nationmaster.com/country/us-united-states (Answer to U.S. population)
I want more than anything to wear a beret. Random yes, but I want to be able to rock a lavender beret I saw at Forever 21 in Florida and not be judged. Not that I really care what people think because I have sported a beret quite a few times in the past but I am getting pissed when it comes to celebrity fashion.
Female celebrities wear some of the craziest ensembles and I look at them and think either why can’t I or where do they find this cool, crazy stuff. I am a bit of a shopoholic and was recently talked out of the said beret, where a friend said, “Where would you wear that and don’t be so impulsive.” A friend judging and concerned that apparently my fashion taste had deviated from the norm, I simply replied, “I will wear it wherever I want, I can find an occasion for it”. She walked away rolling her eyes as I held the treasured beret. I reluctantly put it down and thought maybe she’s right.
I am getting pissed. I want to start a new movement where all the clothes you see on television or in the magazines are sold relatively cheap and in malls. That way, we can get that sweet little number that Lil Kim wore to an awards show or a J-Lo-esque dress. I know you know what I am talking about. See?
Why can’t I wear seashells on my breasts and painted on jeans. Damn. I don’t know if I ever would but it’s the fact I don’t even have the option without being mentally insane that gets me.
Oh to refer back to my beret debate, here are some photos of celebrities rocking berets, because apparently they can and they are called boho chic or a trendsetter.
I would be thrilled to see some crazy fashion on the streets and when I do see something considered outlandish, I don’t judge, I admire. I admire that they had the courage to put on something and think, “Damn, I look GOOD!” So, if you see a curly haired girl, strutting in the 100 degree heat in a beret, flash a smile and say, “nice hat” but commit to the comment, please mean it. It’s a small start but I am going to work my way up to leopard thigh-high boots and suspender trousers. Just you watch.
Sidenote: I am revealing the title for the album GINA. The album title will be F*CKED WITH THEM & F*CKED WITHOUT THEM.
My friends and I have spent many a night discussing that we need to start a FABULOUS girl group. We want to start one because of the many nights we have spent bitching about men's faults, which usually leads to excessive drinking and then one way or another we bust out the resident guitar and we begin to rap/sing. (we don't sing well either, but these days, we could sound like Mariah Carey with all the new-fangled equipment. It would be more about the message anyway!) These sessions have become therapeutic and we wanted to give ourselves a name that properly summed up the message we are trying to project to the masses of women and asshole men out there. The answer was so obvious, we would name the group The G.I.N.A.'s
What is G.I.N.A.? Simply, the band stands for The Girls In Never-ending Angst. We are girls on a mission to revolutionize the world through our messages about SHYSTY men. I have a feeling we would be huge because there are tons of women with gripes about men. Men already complain, belittle and objectify us in rock songs, so why shouldn't we be able to. I can see having a big female cult following from our music. Our image would be super-hot rocker wear, we would hang out with other super-feminist artists like PINK, The Donnas, Veruca Salt, and we would chill with male rockers that accepted our message and supported the cause. Obviously, there will be haters but more than anything people should think its funny. I want our songs to liberate women and call men out on their bull shit.
Now, the band name is a little strange and I don't want people to be confused on how to pronounce it. Remember that movie called That Thing You Do, they named their band The Oneders (really pronounced Wonders) but everyone mispronounced it. We are not like the name GINA we are GY-NA!
These would be some possible song titles:
4 inches is never enough . . . Used and Abused. Change your boxers! Lorena Bobbitt is my hero STD Stalkers and psychos I want my virginity back Are you Metro or Mega-Gay? Big Mistake Funky Spunk Your Halitosis is Horrendous
I can see it now! Stadiums filled with the throngs of screaming fans, our videos on MTV, Partying like Rockstars and basically ruling the world! We would look a little something like this!
Also, we have a dance group called the Whippa Snappas. We are accepting applications so please submit. Qualifications: 1. Must be able to snap loud 2. Must be able to snap often 3. Must be able to snap to the beat 4. Must be able to snap and dance in unison 5. Must be able to snap enthusiastically
It's Britney, Bitch! Those words kicked off one of the most embarrassing performances of her career. That performance set the tone for one of the worst VMA shows ever. She may have been worse than the Ashlee Simpson disaster. I feel bad for Britney. She announced this performance and MTV has been hyping the shit out of it. It was all the pre-show correspondents talked about with the celebrities. Her performance was the focus of the VMA commercials. I don't know if she cracked under the pressure or if she had had one too many drinks or done too many lines of coke off a Palms toilet seat but she looked more like a 20 dollar stripper than a hot performer. My personal opinion is simply this: she was never a singer (everyone knows she lip syncs) but come on Britney at least get up there and shake it for me. Her lip sync was clearly off. Impress me a little bit with the choreography. Instead, it looked like she was walking through the steps and that she forgot her marks on stager. She didn't smile, where the fuck was the energy!? As far as the outfit she supposedly had been rehearsing all weekend so if the shoes were not going to be comfortable then get a different pair. The bikini was silly. I know she was trying to prove that she got her body back (from probably paying out the ass for trainers) and she didn't look bad but in Hollywood standards she looked a little bit soft in the middle. But, I am not judging that, I am no supermodel but she could have wore a hot body suit that would have masked her minor body flaw. Her cheeks were hanging out and I don't know if the sparkles on the bikini were to attract or distract from the tragedy happening on the stage. Her extensions and cheap-looking color contacts made her look like a wannabe star. She looked like an imposter version of herself. Her lack of enthusiasm was horrible. She is the same star that has rocked performance stages for years with her poppy songs. Perhaps, she was trying to hard to be sexy this time and the song could have handled some faster choreography. Or maybe, she was just being lazy who partied too hard while her children were with the three nannies. I want to know who she is paying for that performance. There was no hint of a choreographer. There are rumors she fired the choreographer. If that was the case, that was a mistake and was very apparent. Who let her get up on stage during rehearsal and not comment on how bad it was compared to her previous VMA performance. Maybe we needed a lion or 50 big snakes. See that would have been more exciting to see! Why didn't the manager tell her you look like shit and this is your big debut! Tighten up! I loved the crowd. Before the show, the MTV correspondents were asking all the celebrities how they thought Britney was going to do. They were all polite and encouraging for Britney but the truth was revealed when Rhianna was laughing, Diddy stared blankly onto the stage and 50 Cent was more interested in the strippers (dancers) on the sides of the polls. The truth was spoken by the weak applause and Britney fleeing the stage. Her name was brought back up by Sarah Silverman which usually just evokes screaming and cheering, not last night. I am not going to even comment on the mediocrity of the song because that was the least of the problems! The rest of the night everyone's game was thrown off. People were giving choppy acceptance speeches and not even showing for their awards. All of the disjointed performances in different suites was kind of cool. The real highlights of the VMA's were: the fight between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock and then the jokes from P. Diddy and Jamie Foxx. Foxx was drunk and making Jennifer Garner sweat while she desperately tried to read off the monitor. The Chris Brown performance and the Justin Timberlake, Timbaland, and Nelly Furtado performances didn't disappoint either. Silverman was mildly entertaining. Gimme Gimme more . . . NO THANK YOU! I WANTED MORE out of that show. I doubt this was the start she needed but then again. . . NO PRESS IS BAD PRESS! (right?) We will see how this turns out for Brit. . . . If I was her just keeping being a crazy whore so you can get a little throwback from the tabloid magazines. There is some time I will never get back. Damn Vegas I was hoping the show would be a better venue and stop the pattern of crappy VMA shows.
Not like you haven't already watched it twice today . . . .
I am a crazy curly haired girl who is loud and very talkative! I also have a short attention span and more bad luck then anyone I know ! I am convinced between me and my friends that we would be quality reality television! Hit me up on Facebook or Myspace!
